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It Started To Snow

Dec. 8: 6 p.m. It's started to snow...1st snow of the season and the wife & I took our cocktails and sat by the window for hours watching the

huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses' print. So romantic; we felt like newlyweds aain. I love snow!

Dec. 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the 1st time in years; made me feel like a boy again! I did both our driveway & the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along & covered up sidewalks & closed the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

Dec. 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me now to worry; weill definitely have a white Chirstmas. NO SNOW on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man; I'm glad he's our neighbor.

Dec. 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20; the sun makes everything sparke so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway & sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon & buried everything again.

I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff/puff so!

Dec. 15: 20" forecast. Sold our van & bo't a 4x4 blazer. Bo't snow tires for the wife's car & 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes off. I think that's silly; we aren't in Alaska, after all!

Dec. 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my behind on the ice in the driveway putting down salt; hurt like everything. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

Dec. 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours; I had to pile on the blankets to stay warm. Nothing todo but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. I guess should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it SO MUCH when she's right! I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

Dec. 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn white stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That____snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they were to busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store to see about buying a snow blower; they out...might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I HAVE to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

Dec. 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas; 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till Aug. Took me 45 minutes to get dressed warmly enough to go out to shovel and then I had an urge to go to the bathroom, so got undressed, spent time in bathroom, then dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob and his snowplow for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the rascal is lying.

Dec. 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she..nuts???Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying about that!

Dec. 24: 6" more....snow packed so hard by snowplow that I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch that RASCAL who drives the snowplow, I'll tie a rope to him and drag him through the snow! I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down the street @ 100 mphand throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was way too busy watching for that snowplow!

Dec. 25: Merry Christmas...20 more inches of the !****zzzslop!Snowed in. The idea of shoveling snow makes my blood boil. Oh how I HATE the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation; I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her!!

Dec. 26: Stillsnowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

Dec. 27: Temp dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

Dec. 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The wife is driving

me crazy!!!

Dec. 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

Dec. 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million $$$ for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. Nine inches predicted.

Dec. 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

Jan. 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?????

Neiland is quite sure there's more truth than poetry in this!!


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